Kapan aku "Mengubahku" ?

Dan akhirnya,
aku sampai pada ujung horizon
yang kunanti bertahun, beribu hari
Aku nyatakan aku mengubah
bukan segalanya tapi dari segala ada
surya sebelum menyapa kerabatnya

Kau tau maksudku,
aku tak yakin kepastian, ragu
melainkan
Mengubahkah sesingkat senja?
Aku tak rasa lagi sesingkat senyummu,
berkesan tapi sepejam

Aku menakutkan akan berlama esok
Aku khawatirkan akan tersiakan
Setidaknya, memang
Belum sadari saat ini, ini kuyakinkan
ini terlambat. Melebihi parah
Terlambat dalam rentan waktu
bukan melainkan dalam mengubah

Apa yang aku percepat kini?
Aku tanyakan diriku sesering mungkin, walau hanya sekali
Dan berharap terjawab dengan nalurinya
"Aku mengubah dalam perlambatan, aku percepatnya segera.
Dan aku terlambat, membuatnya jauh di awal"

Ini berarti...
Aku hanya perlu rasakan waktu
dalam detik pengubahan baik pada keburukan
Tak lagi siakan kesungguhannya, dan tersadar dalam sandaran
Aku tau rasakan waktu akan buatnya berlama tahan
akan mengubahnya sendiri
Dalam percepatan mengubah yang penuh
Aku tak kejar waktu dalam pengubahan, tapi
kejar pengubahan dalam waktunya

The Ends of December. The Ends of 2011. The 2012 Begin

2011...
The most awesome year I ever had. In this year, I found the truth, I found so many things.
About myself, my life. I could wake up from my unconsciousness
I knew, I'm a thirteen years old girl. I thought, it wasn't too adult
But it was a blessing. I really thanks to God. He gave the adulthood soul on me
He made me knew the bad and the good things. However, yeah you knew
As a teenager, I still disobedient. Disobedient to my parents, specifically. You also, right? Haha, just tell the truth. Yes or no
Sometimes I still thought about my past, hoped it that it could happen in the next
Forget, I'm just dreaming

In this year, I had so many tears ran out my eyes. I felt so many pains
But, there were friends who always held me tight. Wiped out my tears
There was a love between our pain
I wanna went back to that times
I wanna felt the joy that (me and my friends) made of

I won't just depend my hopes with my past
I wanna made something new
Exchanged my old rusted spirits with the shiny one
Exchanged my dusty minds with the brilliant one
Exchanged my worst soul with the holy one
Exchanged my predictable deeds with the unpredictable one
(Because I wanna made a surprise to everyone)
But I won't changed my personality, it was me. And I won't changed me
I was born to be me, myself
And not born to be another

Had so many friends who loved me, but also had many friends that you could call it "unkind" (I thought that word is more polite)
It was a pleasant
I ever hurting my friends, but was also hurt by another
I considered, it was a part of my journey. My 2011's journey
Had a lot of things that already happened, the joyful one nor the painful one
It was its own happiness

Had so many problems, that were uneasy to be solved
Had so many burdened minds, that really bother me
I thought, I'm gonna be crazy that time
But, again and again, God still gave me a patience
He showed me a things that made me stronger
He led me to the right way, so that I'm not got lost

One moment that I couldn't forget.
And that was...
When I was slipped and my best friends saw it!
Yeah, none knew
But what are you felt when you are slipped with your idiots face looks?
A foolish thing
Oh you knew, it was an embarassing moment I should have
Aa, I wanna yelled. I wanna yelled at everybody around me
But I thought, it just made me looked more crazy, right?
Eh, am I really got crazy? Yeah, I thought I was so

And I hope, in the 2012
I can make myself better, better in everything
I hope I can also have the good things that happen in 2011,
then make it happen again in 2012
But I also wanna have the new things, I mean the good things
I wanna have all the good things, without the bad one
Eh? Am I kidding myself? It's impossible, right?
Be serious, Vonne
No, I'm just hoping. It is a serious conversation
It is allow, isn't it?


2011 : filled with unexpected, unbelievable things
2011 : made of our dream in the previous year,
       and we hope  we can make it happen in the next year
2011 : the craziest year I ever had
2011 : a year, that I can't describe more in here

Goodbye the unexpected year
Because without ends of 2011, we won't have the beginning of 2012
Because without the beginning of 2012, we won't have the ends of 2011