Jelaskan. Ini sebuah tanya penasaran

Dia-
berdiam begitu tetap, dengan
tepian hitam tambahan bantu mata
Bersetelan yang dengan betah dan tak terganggu
disandang dan dinilai "maskulin"
Sungguhnya biasa, jauhnya sederhana

Tapi lewat caranya,
dia hadirkan tatapan di hadapan,
dia menatap keyakinan penuh,
dia enggan mengucap lebih kata, karena dia
sebenarnya bukan pendiam, pemalu
tapi bukan pengecut

Dia katakan perasaannya di balik,
dia penuh tekad sampaikan, tapi
urung keberanian utarakan
Laku sebenarnya bersembunyi mudahnya,
tapi tidak dengannya
Sangat terbaca dan...
ini kedua kalinya aku ketahui

Dia lihat,
persis di aku. Tepat!
Bodoh, aku biarkan diri ini berpaling, dari
sudut jarum angka satu hingga duabelas
Jelas tersirat, dia memucat. Aku rasakan,
dia sesali, bukan bukan. Dia
sangat kecewa. Mungkinnya harapkan,
tatapan kepastian akan berbalas kepercayaan
Tidak, senyatanya. Jauh membalik dan berbalik

Dia takutkanku, akan
menyanding bersebelahan dengan
manusia sejurusannya, dia tau mereka kawan
Fakta, nyata, aku bukan lebih dari siapanya
Lakunya tampak
begitu. Kenapa?

Hentikan.
Jangan buat otakku berpacu dalam peloncoan
Singkatnya waktu itu, jangan.
Sekalipun berusaha buatku tak penasaran

Henti buatku melebihi batas ambang penasaran

No story of our relation. No shadows of our reflections

Ends?
It was enough. I couldn't keep it for longer more
I couldn't make it more stronger
I already did many endeavors
Don't lay blame on me, also you
We both no, we both didn't mistaken

None mistaken, none accurate
We just upheld our feelings on a brittle string,
it just alike
It was a destiny
I'm not understood
I fear
I feel mistaken
I indeed, I couldn't...
count on everyone, even me, myself

We never inscribe our sweet nor bitter moments, even on a broken mirror
We never. It was its own manner, its own way
We never knew, we never understood

Just hoped in some horde of cumulonimbus
it just alike, it wipe away by its rain
or even its storm

Is expectation still one direction with us?
I guessed no, not over again
Made up your mind. It was destined to be ends, our relation
Don't opposed, between the compulsion and...
pretense...
we couldn't, count on each others
If we made it still walked along,
we just made it as a debacle. Don't we?
We couldn't be prisoners of our brittle feeling
If that so, we just made our own darkness hollow
We weren't a mere, we were alive
but our story, that was correct
Our story just a mere although we spent it, and truly happen

A ditch on the relationship?
Don't you know? That was us!
Made each hearts into a smithereens
No triumph, none won the owner of the hearts
But none lose. It was a fair

Feeling was neutral,
before the living creature filled it
Just accept it, even though it ends incompetent
I knew, it was asserts, we were end
Don't try to make it all unite, again
No owner of our past
No story of our relation
No shadows of our reflections

~Inspired by:

My Friends

The Ends of December. The Ends of 2011. The 2012 Begin

2011...
The most awesome year I ever had. In this year, I found the truth, I found so many things.
About myself, my life. I could wake up from my unconsciousness
I knew, I'm a thirteen years old girl. I thought, it wasn't too adult
But it was a blessing. I really thanks to God. He gave the adulthood soul on me
He made me knew the bad and the good things. However, yeah you knew
As a teenager, I still disobedient. Disobedient to my parents, specifically. You also, right? Haha, just tell the truth. Yes or no
Sometimes I still thought about my past, hoped it that it could happen in the next
Forget, I'm just dreaming

In this year, I had so many tears ran out my eyes. I felt so many pains
But, there were friends who always held me tight. Wiped out my tears
There was a love between our pain
I wanna went back to that times
I wanna felt the joy that (me and my friends) made of

I won't just depend my hopes with my past
I wanna made something new
Exchanged my old rusted spirits with the shiny one
Exchanged my dusty minds with the brilliant one
Exchanged my worst soul with the holy one
Exchanged my predictable deeds with the unpredictable one
(Because I wanna made a surprise to everyone)
But I won't changed my personality, it was me. And I won't changed me
I was born to be me, myself
And not born to be another

Had so many friends who loved me, but also had many friends that you could call it "unkind" (I thought that word is more polite)
It was a pleasant
I ever hurting my friends, but was also hurt by another
I considered, it was a part of my journey. My 2011's journey
Had a lot of things that already happened, the joyful one nor the painful one
It was its own happiness

Had so many problems, that were uneasy to be solved
Had so many burdened minds, that really bother me
I thought, I'm gonna be crazy that time
But, again and again, God still gave me a patience
He showed me a things that made me stronger
He led me to the right way, so that I'm not got lost

One moment that I couldn't forget.
And that was...
When I was slipped and my best friends saw it!
Yeah, none knew
But what are you felt when you are slipped with your idiots face looks?
A foolish thing
Oh you knew, it was an embarassing moment I should have
Aa, I wanna yelled. I wanna yelled at everybody around me
But I thought, it just made me looked more crazy, right?
Eh, am I really got crazy? Yeah, I thought I was so

And I hope, in the 2012
I can make myself better, better in everything
I hope I can also have the good things that happen in 2011,
then make it happen again in 2012
But I also wanna have the new things, I mean the good things
I wanna have all the good things, without the bad one
Eh? Am I kidding myself? It's impossible, right?
Be serious, Vonne
No, I'm just hoping. It is a serious conversation
It is allow, isn't it?


2011 : filled with unexpected, unbelievable things
2011 : made of our dream in the previous year,
       and we hope  we can make it happen in the next year
2011 : the craziest year I ever had
2011 : a year, that I can't describe more in here

Goodbye the unexpected year
Because without ends of 2011, we won't have the beginning of 2012
Because without the beginning of 2012, we won't have the ends of 2011

Aku dan tumpuanku

Batangan pohon yang tiada utuh,
terbesit sembilu parasit menggerogot
Mega yang membisu,
dia tak lagi berucap, bahkan benderang

Dengan makhluknya yang tak seirama,
penuh pengkhianatan, kebohongan, cacian
Usangnya deretan buku yang kalimatnya rapuh mengeruh,
aku tau dia telah tiada-dimakan usia-
dia tak lagi menjamuri tiap lembarannya
dia tak lagi hiasi sudut rongganya

Kapas busa yang berterbangan dari naungannya
Cahaya sunyi yang bersemedi
Dan dalam petak kotak kerut itu,
disanalah raga dan jiwaku berdiam

Masih dapat bernafas dan berpikir
dan organ yang setia bekerja dalam pembusukkan
Aku sadar, diri ini hidup dalam kelemahan
Aku sadar, tak lagi ada inspirasi sehat
Aku sadar, tak ada sandaran hidup untuk meneduh

Aku tetap berkarya dalam aviasi
Tak ingin berhenti
Aku berbuat, tidak mati!
Aku punya kehidupan, bukan semata impian!

Aku lumpuh terkulai, silakan saja samakan dengan idiot di seberang jalan
Apa masalahnya? Apa halangannya?
Toh ini aku, bukan kau
Aku yang menanggung malu dan hujatan
Aku masih dapat hidup, dan berkehidupan
Dengan moral dan dalam hukum sekalipun

Biarkan aku begini dengan tumpuanku, pijakan
Sekalipun aku berpergi, beginilah aku, berkarya
Aku masih membayangi
Aku, yang bersemayam, dalam naung elegi abadimu

Aku hanya...

Aku hanya berimu semangat, bukan jiwa
Aku hanya berimu perasaanku, bukan hatiku
Kita hidup dalam masing-masing hati
"Hidup dalam satu hati? Bukankah itu mustahil?"

Kita hanya dapat hidup dalam leburan hati, perasaan
Bukan dalam hati
Bagi yang peka, tentu dapat rasakan lainnya
Bagi yang tidak, itu hanya tersiakan

Disitu, kepedulian muncul
Bukan dari paksaan, tapi nalurinya
Bukan dari pemikiran otak, tapi refleks

~Sekian

Tak Bertujuan

Denting itu, kau dengarkah?
Itu waktu-waktu yang berlarian dalam hujan
Yang berusaha dapatkan kepastian
dari pelangi yang ditunggu
Dengan disananya,
bait not yang tak terbentuk utuh
tetap saja mainkan lagunya

Dan disana itu?
Apakah mereka?
Oh, itu "makhluk-makhluk" yang berkejaran mencari aman
Mencari lindungan dari tetesan air berkah ini
"Hidupkah? Atau hanya tertiup bertebaran?"
Jangan aneh. Mereka hidup, walaupun banyak diantaranya yang beraga mati.
"Sama saja tak hidup, tak berjiwa sama sekali."
Salah. Mereka berjiwa, tapi raganya mati suri.
"Mati suri?"
Yah, tak taukah? Mati yang sekejap, mati yang tak selamanya.
Dan saat terbangun, mereka menjadi utuh
Jiwa mereka ada, raganya hidup kembali.
Tinggal kemauan mereka untuk menjalani kehidupan

Kadang jiwa mereka tak ditiupkan oleh semangat asa,
yang ada hanya kisah lampau kelam yang membayang,
yang menghambat segalanya, pemikiran mereka terutama.

"Mereka makhluk tak bertujuan."
Bukan. Mereka masih bertujuan. Tujuan kefanaan.
Tujuan yang tak kekal, yang hanya akan hidup dalam sekeliling kehidupan fana.
Tujuan yang tak berujung. Tujuan yang semata.