2012 goes very fast, is it right? 8760 hours, 365 days, 12 months, 1 year. We will badly miss this 2012.
Walked through a storm, it was always a ray in other side. When the sky hide its blue and turn into the dark, just believe that above it always has the mesmerizing one with the grandiose gold of its stars. Stand side-by-side with a coward who hidden and disappear by his own fear. And the story of the hidden landscape that is never be spoken. These are mean that in 2012, we do had so many problems but if we keep on our way and pass it through with open-heart, we can solve it. When we think that we are so drown deeply in our desperate, we don't know the next place where we must step on. Head up. Believe that someday God will shows his truly blessing. 2012 that full of secrets, lies, let's clear it soon in this coming year. Be the open-hearted people so another will gaily bind their friendship with us.
Let's make a change. Don't just stay the same. Do an act. Don't just talk.
Hope 2013 is a guiding light to better life from the every mistakes and bad behaviors in 2012. Hope much.
"The first was failed. Another were failed. Even the last can't change me. So, I ought to change me."
Although another are able to change me. I'm the most important aspect in changing me. It's my own self. My own soul. My own body. I who change me.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013 everybody! May in this year God gives much blessings. Be better!
Hi, Lisa, this post was made by your friends feeling.. for you. We share a lot of things together, we are one, if one friend falls, another will fall, too. We shall keep another are right in our side. So please read it <3
It's rainy time
It's gloomy heart, gloomy heart
You feel, we feel
So let's step on, step on to the meadow
see a bright sky and white clouds together
Sometimes rains are hurting,
sometimes winds are warm,
sometimes water can burn you up,
they all fake!
But don't let it leaves scars on you
We can't see you drown on despair
He is good, but not in your side He is care, but he has no that thing now. So let's move on, move on
If he can, you can do the same
You better to live with him a whole life with thousand diamonds in a fairy tale
or just stay with your friends with thousands happiness in a true world?
But let's step on, step on to the meadow
We are together about to see our future Let the rain of happiness wet our faces
Dance together in our bad shoes, bad shoes
When sweat has no drop again
We still have drops of happiness
When dusk has no dust to make it linger
We still have the sun to bright it up forever
and make it meaningful
So won't the darkness comes
When "he" ends the relationship with no reason You still have a reason to have a life "God, family, friends."
"He is not always has good deeds like you saw at the first time" "He is not always make your life so colorful like lovers feel at the first time,
like lovers have at the first time" Cause everything can change suddenly
What is nice at the first time, is not always ended with the happy ending
So let's move on, move on Don't let your precious tears are drops for someone who already hurts you
We know, forget and forgive someone not as easy as they left us
“Hi Boast, how are you? Do you feel nice today? I bring you some fresh stories. Do you want to hear?”
“Hi Poem, I’m well enough, I am full of words that some of yours I had this morning."
"Are you kidding me? I’m bored of all this fake and sorrow, and the bitterness, and also the love story.”
“Oh dear, are you sick? Why you drawn so deep on despair? Let’s rest yourself up, just to return back your energy. Oh, or you want to eat something? Maybe I can have for you.”
“Don’t too care. You care or not, it would be the same, nothing change.”
“I am sorry, I can’t give you the best of me. All I can do just talk, no act. You know, I’m just a bar of sentences in a sheet of rusty paper. I can’t do much. I can’t tell you the important one. What I already told you are bullshit. Okay, I will be off to give you my words so you can enjoy your days with your own words of lamentation. I’ll be off to tell you everything that I’ve done, and it’s my biggest mistake to tell you more. I’ll take my own path. Do it myself, have it myself.”
“Hmm. Why sky out there so dark? Is it the ends of the world? Or the rain begin to falling in? Strange sky.”
“No, it’s nature. “
“A strange explainer. What’s the truly matter?”
“I already told honestly, but you don’t want to understood. You got mad and began to murmured when I had finish to said. Why didn’t you told me the entirely yours? So I can completely know yours. But never mind. Let’s repair it all.”
“Not important at all. Shall we repair it right now? It seems that I can’t. I’ve so many important things out there, and I think they are more important than this matter. What are the another unimportant things you not ought to say?”
“Nope, nothing. I’ll go home right now. Thanks for all so far. Thanks to let me disturb and burdened you until this time. Thanks for the past. Thanks for let me breathing the last air I can breathe from your world. And I will return back all the words, stories, memories, and all the pasts to you . I won’t come in, to your world, again, never. Goodbye….”
“Poem….. Are you serious? I will be alone to face my future, ‘cause just you who know me at all, just you who can guide me till end. Don’t leave me when I feel I am broke. Don’t leave me when it seems no ray in every darkness. Don’t leave me when this whole world refused all parts of me.”
“Forgiveness, it is not too late. But scars on my hearts, that’s too late. All your acts, I know, that were fake. I will stay the same ‘cause you stay the same.”
Saat pinus genggam erat tangan cemara
Terbebas senyum yang guratan keriputnya melenyap
Berangkulan
Dan saat angin yang cemburu
robohkan kesungguhannya
Angin berbisik pada pinus,
genggamannya rebah, ia
berpaling
Cemara menyendiri dalam gelap
antusiasnya yang semula gempita
Semua tinggalkannya
Bahkan lumut yang selama ini
tanpa pajak tinggal tak berdosa
pada beban cemara, mereka berpindah
Bahkan bintang-bintang yang saling berpendar,
yang awalnya juga sinari cemara
mereka mengutub pada angin dan pinus
Dan akhirnya cemara dibangunkan
oleh mentari subuh dan bulan senja
"Kau tau, saat yang lain tinggalkan sahabat yang sungguhnya tak dapat kau sebut sahabat. Kau tetap dapat hidup.. Karena tiap angin mengendus kesalahanmu, dia tak tahu apapun tentang kebenaranmu Dia tak akan pernah tahu.. Karena tiap pinus meminta bantuanmu, tiap dia memintamu menceritakan dirimu, dia hanya mencari kekuranganmu Dia tak ingat apapun bantuanmu.. Ketika kau tanpa meminta suatu balas budi darinya Dia tak akan pernah tahu..", ungkap matahari
"Sahabat yang pandai bermain kata, terlalu sering berucap indah.. Padahal tujuannya satu Menjatuhkanmu, agar dia dapat menjadi pemenang dalam jagad ini Sahabat yang terlalu munafik Dan dia tak akan pernah sadari karena dia terlalu berambisi..", ketus bulan.
"Bagaimanapun, dia sahabatku. aku tak mungkin menohoknya sendiri dengan belati yang sama yang dahulu dia tohokkan padaku. Aku tak tega.. Untuk melihatnya menderita sepertiku. Dia memang pantas. Namun seperti ini tak akan menjadikan segalanya lebih baik Aku rela, walau ini kelu, walau ini tabu, demi sahabatku. Aku sanggup"
Cuma mau share cerita nggak penting nih. Seketika aku pengen dengerin lagunya John Mayer - All we ever do is say goodbye dan parahnya lagi, itu playlist setelah lagu John Mayer yang "all we ever do is say goodbye" langsung lagu "John Mayer - I'm gonna find another you". Emang sih kedua lagu ini udah cukup lama, tapi nyaman aja buat didengerin lagi. Padahal nggak ngerasa kehilangan dan nggak dalam kondisi yang membutuhkan seseorang. Lagu ini lagi 'pas' aja sama feeling. Nggak tau karena lagunya emang cocok jadi lagu sebelum tidur atau mungkin karena liriknya yang... Mengingatkan akan masa lalu (padahal nggak punya masa lalu kayak yang di lirik ini)
Aku mulai sadar, disini, sekarang ini, aku emang bukan anak kecil lagi. Maklumlah kalo udah mulai punya 'feel'. Jadi keinget sama puisi puisi yang aku buat dulu yg nggak pernah ku publish (teruntuk seseorang), yang cuma ditulis di selembar kertas yang ditemukan seadanya, jelasnya kertas asal nemu yang penting ada ruang buat coret coret,. Karena aku nggak mau orang lain tau gimana aku dan jalan pikiranku sebenarnnya, aku dan perasaanku yang tersembunyi, aku dan pembicaraanku yang orang lain susah pahami. Udahlah, omongannya malah tambah ngelantur dan kayaaknya bakal berujung jadi curhat gratisan gini. Haha
To the point aja deh. Nih aku mau ngeshare video All We Ever Do is Say Goodbye with lyrics. Enjoy ;)
Aku biarkan ini menjadi sebuah perasaan tak terungkap
Hanya sampai pada kepalan gusar, yang tak sempat beri penjelasan tanpa hambar
Sisakan bisikan hanya untuk meneguk sesal
Sisakan darah hanya untuk mengalir bebal
Kata yang hanya sampai penghujung lidah, mengatup tanpa ego
Dan siratkan air muka yang menyibak rona
Aku...takut
Untuk paksa hatiku menuntut Jiwanya yang lama telah berpejam
Terbakar memang, aku terlambat.
Keberanian yang terus saja menguntit
Hanya berimajinasikan sepengal harapan, yang nyatakan bermasal kegagalan
Dan tak mengharap keibaan, api kesungguhan
Sampai bertatap lagi di tenggat waktu yang Tuhan pastikan, aku berharap
Tapi waktu dan takdir tak janjikan pasti
"Bahkan mungkin untuk angin yang berhempas pada waktu itu
Dia tak mungkin hadirkan kisah kita kembali
Untuk mengulangnya, menghempaskannya kembali... Mustahil"
Kita bahkan belum pernah saling menatap, mungkin berbicara
Salam perjumpaan untuk tak pernah mengenal
Salam perpisahan sampai akhir waktu tiba
Kita tak akan berjumpa
“ Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It
makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it
means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these
defences, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid
person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid
life. You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something
dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own
anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves
you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just
friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts.
Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real
gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. ”
- Neil Gaiman, The Kindly Ones
“ It’s
better to live like a flame, to know a man and love him, even if he can’t be
yours, than never to love at all. ” -
Eloisa James (A kiss at midnight)
“ The more I
look around and listen I realize that I’m not alone. We are all facing choices
that define us. No choice. However messy is without importance in the overall
picture of our lives. We all at our own age have to claim something, even if
it’s only our own confusion. I am in the middle of growing up and into myself.
” - - Sabrina Ward Harrison
“ The secret to life is meaningless unless you
discover it yourself. ” - W. S. Maugham
“ A woman’s heart is not bought by the currency of
a man’s emotion for her. A woman’s heart is won over by her own feelings for
herself when he just happens to be around. ” - A Long Long Time Ago and Essentially True, Brigid
Pasulka
“ You should never be surprised when someone treats
you with respect, you should expect it. ” - Sarah Dessen
“ In life, we do things. Some we wish we had never
done, and some we wish we could replay a million times. But they make us who we
are and in the end they shape and detail us. If we were to reserve them, we
wouldn’t be the people we are today. so, just live. Make mistakes and have
wonderful memories. But never second guess who you are, where you’ve been, and
most importantly where you’re going. ”
“ Puke and starve and cut and drink because you
need an anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns
into poison and by then it’s too late because you are mainingling it now,
straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can’t stop. ” - ‘Wintergirls’ by Laurie Halse Anderson
"The best moments in reading are when you come
across something — a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things — that
you'd thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone
else, a person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it's as if a
hand has come out and taken yours." - Hector, The History Boys.
“ Don’t cry for a man who’s left you—the next one
may fall for your smile. ” - Mae West
“ He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream
and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. ” - Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)
“ Madness is just what genius looks like to a tiny
mind. ” - Steven
Moffat, head writer of Doctor Who
“ The only way to get through life is to laugh your
way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying
gives me a headache. ” - Marjorie Pay Hinckley
“ It’s work. The person you love is rarely worthy
of how big your love is. Because no one is worthy of that and maybe no one
deserves the burden of it, either. You’ll be let down. You’ll be disappointed
and have your trust broken and have a lot of real sucky days. You lose more
than you win. You hate the person you love as much as you love him. But, shit, you
roll up your sleeves and work - at everything - because that’s what growing
older is. ” - Dennise Lehane, MysticRiver (2001)
“ He thought for a second, then said, “I don’t
know. Just because someone’s pretty doesn’t mean she’s decent. Or vice versa.
I’m not into appearances. I like flaws, I think they make things interesting. ”
- Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever
“ So I guess we are who we are for a lot of
reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the
power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.
We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them. ” - The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky
“ You have not failed until you quit trying. ” - Gordon B. Hinckley
“ The distinguishing mark of true adventures, is
that often they are no fun at all while they are actually happening. ” - Kim Stanley Robinson
“ Think like a man of action; act like a man of
thought. ” - Henri Bergson
“ Of all forms of caution, caution in love is
perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. ” - Bertrand
Russell
“ Sometimes you hit a point where you either change
or self destruct. ” - Sam Stevens
I'd be lying if I told you, losing you was something I could handle
Tiupkan padaku desahan angin senja
Berikan padaku rasa yang kau punya
Alunkan kisahmu tuk isi paranda fana
Dalam potret getir yang terkenang setia
"aku ingin kau berharmoni, tapi bukan sepenggal sepi
aku ingin kau bersenandung, tapi bukan termenung
aku harap dentang waktu tetap ada, bukan sebatas mengembara
"aku ingin kau bahagia, sepenuhnya...
Bukan dalam senyum yang membeban
Bukan dalam tawa yang tertekan
Bukan dalam jiwa yang tertahan
Dan bukan dalam perasaan yang berujung pengkhianatan
Forgive me for all my mistakes that I ever did to you. I don't need the fake responses, I just need the sincerity, truly from you. We're facing our future now,together. National Examination has begin. Let's show our hard and our best endeavors. And let our prayer flow just like as water, and wish God will grant it. I hope, God will give us ease of doing the National Examination and give us good scores depends on our effort. Do the best, give the best, and get the best.
God know, what effort that already we do so far.
For the twentieth time today Reading the text you sent me again Though I memorized anyway
It was an afternoon in December When it reminded you of the day When we bumped into each other But you didn’t say hi cause I looked away
And maybe that was the Biggest mistake of my life And maybe I have not moved on Since that night
Cause its 12:51 And I thought my feelings were gone But I’m lying on my bed thinking of you again And the moon shines so bright But I gotta dry these tears tonight Cause you’re moving on And I’m not that strong to hold on any longer
When I saw you’re with her didn’t think you find another and my world just seems to crash I shouldn’t have thought that this would last And maybe that was the biggest of mistake my life And maybe I have not moved on since last night
Cause its 12:51 And I thought my feelings were gone But I’m lying on my bed thinking of you again And the moon shines so bright But I gotta dry these tears tonight Cause you’re moving on And I’m not that strong to hold on any longer
As the sky outside gets brighter And my eyes begin to tire I’m slowly drowning and memories of him And I know it shouldn’t matter As my hearts begin to shatter I’m left to wonder Just how it should have been yeah…
12:51
And I thought my feelings were gone But I’m lying on my bed thinking of you again And the moon shines so bright But I gotta dry these tears tonight Cause you’re moving on And I’m not that strong to hold on Cause I’ll prove you wrong That I can move on through this ong So much stronger...
Still count the days until the exam begins. Still count the hard endeavors that I've already take so far. I'm ready to face the exam. I come closer to my future.
All things come swiftly... And we don't even realize of what things that we have to face for. Our future
♥March Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat 123 4 5678910 11121314151617 18192021222324 25262728293031
♥April Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat 1234567 891011121314 15161718192021 22232425262728 2930
Aku selama ini membohongi kalian dan diriku sendiri. Selama ini senyumanku palsu, aku tersenyum dalam penderitaanku. Aku menyembunyikannya dan berusaha untuk tidak pernah mengatakan sejujurnya.
December to regrettable
December to remember
I miss every words that we hadn't say. I miss every steps that we hadn't take together. I miss every effort that we didn't do. I miss every support that we hadn't give to each others. I miss, Thee.
Truly you. A mysterious hu(man).
I know it isn't again. Nevertheless, I still miss my "December"
Suka sama sesorang yang nggak bisa disebutkan. Ngga pengen dunia tau siapa orang itu. Cukup aku
Ngga ada seseorang yang bisa diajak cerita. Jadi, mencoba diemin perasaan itu, dan pada akhirnya... Entahlah
Makasih udah izinin aku tau, walaupun ngga pernah ngomong satu sama lain. Aku pikir itu meninggalkan kesan berharga 'banget'. Bisa melihat sosokmu yang misterius itu lewat dihadapan. Dan sekarang, jangan paksa aku untuk jadi aku yang dulu. Aku sedang mencoba membangun masa depanku untuk sesuatu yang lebih baik, tanpa ada bayang-bayang dari seseorang yang hanya akan menghambat segalanya.
Pada kertas yang tak merasa.
yang tak ditiupkan nyawa
Hadapkanlah aku padanya
Pena ini mulai membebani
Maret dalam hujatan dan cobaan
Mengapa manusia itu masih hidup?
Aku sudah pernah bunuhnya dengan kata-kataku
Tolol. Kenapa hanya dengan kata?
Lalu aku tikam dia dengan belati ilusi
Bodoh. Kenapa hanya ilusi?
Lalu aku robek urat nadi pergelangan
dan melihatnya mulai tersayat
tempat darahnya dan sang hawa menyatu
"aku bunuh diriku sendiri"
Hanya memastikan, tidakkah manusia itu
tergelitik sanubarinya
Tidak juga.
Pada ujung lelahku, kesabaran yang
terlampau pada ambang
Taruhkannya dengan nyawa.
Meneguk cairan plumbum mendidih, dengan raksa
mulai gerogoti kerongkonganku
Dan hirup metana yang terlanjur
Aku bergayutan, dalam harapan masa depan
Hadapkanlah aku padanya.
Aku akan berbicara, dan saling menatap
Mungkin tak singkat. Mungkin berlama selamanya
Aku Mati.
Biarlah aku busuk 'tuk buatmu sadar.
Aku Mati.
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said, No final kiss to seal any seams, I had no idea of the state we were in,
I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness, And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,
But don't you remember? Don't you remember? The reason you loved me before, Baby, please remember me once more,
When was the last time you thought of me? Or have you completely erased me from your memory? I often think about where I went wrong, The more I do, the less I know, But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness, And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,
But don't you remember? Don't you remember? The reason you loved me before, Baby, please remember me once more,
Gave you the space so you could breathe, I kept my distance so you would be free, And hope that you find the missing piece, To bring you back to me,
Why don't you remember? Don't you remember? The reason you loved me before, Baby, please remember me once more,
Dear March,
please make no sorrow for my next steps
No tears, no feeling...
No anger, no burden...
No hurt, no pain...
Let me have a well-think of you, well memories
If that broken, don't make any scar on every lover's lungs
If that blossom, don't fall it into an endless spring
If that necessary, don't make any brain be forget
If that air, don't make any breath are breathless
If that lovers, bind them on a strong relationship
I admire him, but not for the next
I can't let him, but can for the next
Like what I say, like what I feel
Like a number of tears ran out my eyes,
wetting my spectacles
I would
I could
Don't underestimate every ways,
everything that I will do
Feel my self broken. Not into pieces, just into smithereens
No dusk is meaningful, no dawn is holy
But I lay on a day, that include part of times
That I could breathe, that I could take, that everyone not understand
That everyone couldn't feel. It's hidden
Dear Universe, Dear March,
Let me exhale the depth sorrows in your beginning,
and then let me breathe the joyful in your end, again
Dear Universe, Thee, and March,
I'm not hoping much.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Aku tak bisa hentikan pena yang bergurat itu,
untuk terhenti dan menyapa hampa
Tak semudah kedipkan mata saat
tetesan makna tersiakan mulai meranggas
Tapi tak seramah barisan kumulus
yang tanpa egonya berdagum
Sama hal, sama maksut
Aku tau kau tak mudah pulihkan semangatmu
kembali dulu.
Dengan senyum semburat senjanya Dandellion
beterbangan penuh penantian
Aku rasakan keputusasaan dalam otakmu,
dan mulai menjamah pada selongsong ragamu
Dalam jiwamu yang terbeban
Aku mohon...
Jangan buat ini akhir
Jangan rasa ini sesal
Jangan...putuskan akan mati. Aku inginkan kau
tetap terbingkai dengan beribu pigmen.
Potretmu, jangan ternoda
Setidaknya, hanya ini. Aku tak dapat lebih berbasa-basi
Memang, hanya ini.
Dukungan tersirat yang mungkin kuucap
Ku harap kau pulih, segera.
Ku harap kau mengubah, sekarang.
Bertamu ke hunian hampaku?
Silakan...
Tapi aku tak suguhkan harapan, karena sarinya
habis dihisap kupu
Remahan puing masa lalu tersedia tersisakan
Kau mau secuil?
Aku tak pernah minum soda,
atau sejenis manis air
Maukah kau teguk tawar air basa?
Yang berbulir bagai kerikil
meronta ditendang sang penguasa dari
lapang kehijauan
Tenang namun meragukan
Aku sudah kemasi hidupku selanjutnya
Aku hampir selesaikan sketsa
masa depanku. Hanya perlu
goresan terang, sedikit. Entahlah
Dan aku tak inginkan terasa seperti
teh tanpa gula dan daun teh.
Hambar
Dan tak lagi bagai tumbuhan tanpa akar
Esok, aku pastikan
Aku akan berpindah tinggalkan beribu lampu
kota yang bermakna hangus arang
Aku akan tuangkan sedikit makna
dalam cangkir kopi senja pengharapan
Aku harapkan pengubahan dalam masa
Januari ini. Tak lagi mendung dan kelam
Walau sudah di ujung akhir harinya
dalam kubang pada cawan tak berbatas
dalam kubang pada cawan
yang torehkan duka
Aku hidup
dan berguna-mungkin-
Tersiakan, bukan tujuanku menjadinya
Tapi tidak dikata persediaan
yang gantikan mereka
Bukan alu,
yang ditumbuk perasaannya
bagai hina
Begini, bagaimana harga diriku berkabar?
Rendahan. Bukan tingkatanku
Aku tak sempurna, talenta sepertinya aku tidak
Tapi aku sesempurnaku diciptakan
Aku punya pemikiran. Logis !
Berperasaan. Tak sadis bengis !
Berharga diri tak rendah. Bukan berharga sama mengemis !
Karena aku bukan,
makhluk eceran dalam riuhnya bimasakti
Dia-
berdiam begitu tetap, dengan
tepian hitam tambahan bantu mata
Bersetelan yang dengan betah dan tak terganggu
disandang dan dinilai "maskulin"
Sungguhnya biasa, jauhnya sederhana
Tapi lewat caranya,
dia hadirkan tatapan di hadapan,
dia menatap keyakinan penuh,
dia enggan mengucap lebih kata, karena dia
sebenarnya bukan pendiam, pemalu
tapi bukan pengecut
Dia katakan perasaannya di balik,
dia penuh tekad sampaikan, tapi
urung keberanian utarakan
Laku sebenarnya bersembunyi mudahnya,
tapi tidak dengannya
Sangat terbaca dan...
ini kedua kalinya aku ketahui
Dia lihat,
persis di aku. Tepat!
Bodoh, aku biarkan diri ini berpaling, dari
sudut jarum angka satu hingga duabelas
Jelas tersirat, dia memucat. Aku rasakan,
dia sesali, bukan bukan. Dia
sangat kecewa. Mungkinnya harapkan,
tatapan kepastian akan berbalas kepercayaan
Tidak, senyatanya. Jauh membalik dan berbalik
Dia takutkanku, akan
menyanding bersebelahan dengan
manusia sejurusannya, dia tau mereka kawan
Fakta, nyata, aku bukan lebih dari siapanya
Lakunya tampak
begitu. Kenapa?
Hentikan.
Jangan buat otakku berpacu dalam peloncoan
Singkatnya waktu itu, jangan.
Sekalipun berusaha buatku tak penasaran
Dan akhirnya,
aku sampai pada ujung horizon
yang kunanti bertahun, beribu hari
Aku nyatakan aku mengubah
bukan segalanya tapi dari segala ada
surya sebelum menyapa kerabatnya
Kau tau maksudku,
aku tak yakin kepastian, ragu
melainkan
Mengubahkah sesingkat senja?
Aku tak rasa lagi sesingkat senyummu,
berkesan tapi sepejam
Aku menakutkan akan berlama esok
Aku khawatirkan akan tersiakan
Setidaknya, memang
Belum sadari saat ini, ini kuyakinkan
ini terlambat. Melebihi parah
Terlambat dalam rentan waktu
bukan melainkan dalam mengubah
Apa yang aku percepat kini?
Aku tanyakan diriku sesering mungkin, walau hanya sekali
Dan berharap terjawab dengan nalurinya
"Aku mengubah dalam perlambatan, aku percepatnya segera.
Dan aku terlambat, membuatnya jauh di awal"
Ini berarti...
Aku hanya perlu rasakan waktu
dalam detik pengubahan baik pada keburukan
Tak lagi siakan kesungguhannya, dan tersadar dalam sandaran
Aku tau rasakan waktu akan buatnya berlama tahan
akan mengubahnya sendiri
Dalam percepatan mengubah yang penuh
Aku tak kejar waktu dalam pengubahan, tapi
kejar pengubahan dalam waktunya
Aku tetap lanjutkan,
rima pada sajak tak berakhir
Bersebelahan dengan kunyahan lengket permen,
terlihat nyaman
Anak tak berdosa pada hiruk
pikuk dewasa, runtuh remahannya terasa
betah
Pada bentang khatulistiwa di penghujung
aku setia pada goresan
penaku
Aku biasa dapatkan kesan dari siapapun
-entahlah
Mungkin kau diantara manusia hidup
yang dalam hangat bertopi rajut kelam
langkahan tak tetap dalam lunglai semampai
Hingga pelikan pada kubangan,
meneguk kasar tiap resapan
dia-pelikan- tak mangsa pisces
Hatilah yang ia cerna,
dia memang bodoh tapi merasa
Lihat kelakuan majikannya, dia
-enggan
Aku ini ceritakan apa?
Nalar banyak manusia tak berproses
-selayaknya
Terus balik-putarkan relasinya
Bagai dentang jarum bertudung
pasir pada
tuanya meja...
Dia berkutik nan angkuh
Mengintip tumpukan duri dari cemara
Sengaja mengolah cerita panjang,
berdiksi sedang
Mereka.
Sekalipun belum
Otak mereka melumat apa hal?
Daging basi yang disisakan
pemiliknya?
Menyedihkan.
Itu alot. Bahkan busuk tengik
Aku. Ceritakannya
Berseling diksi yang ku bisa
Tak pahami? Lagi?
Kali ini geraman, bukan
gonggongan
Tiada habis otak memproses, mungkin celotehan
ringan tersirat dan
mengutip
Mengertikan mereka, usaha yang
membuat pelik
Menelan katak hidup-hidup, sama
membosankannya. Sama
menjijikannya. Sama
enggannya...
Aku tetap teruskannya,
sajakku,
yang tiada,
-berakhir
Ends?
It was enough. I couldn't keep it for longer more
I couldn't make it more stronger
I already did many endeavors
Don't lay blame on me, also you
We both no, we both didn't mistaken
None mistaken, none accurate
We just upheld our feelings on a brittle string,
it just alike
It was a destiny
I'm not understood
I fear
I feel mistaken
I indeed, I couldn't...
count on everyone, even me, myself
We never inscribe our sweet nor bitter moments, even on a broken mirror
We never. It was its own manner, its own way
We never knew, we never understood
Just hoped in some horde of cumulonimbus
it just alike, it wipe away by its rain
or even its storm
Is expectation still one direction with us?
I guessed no, not over again
Made up your mind. It was destined to be ends, our relation
Don't opposed, between the compulsion and...
pretense...
we couldn't, count on each others
If we made it still walked along,
we just made it as a debacle. Don't we?
We couldn't be prisoners of our brittle feeling
If that so, we just made our own darkness hollow
We weren't a mere, we were alive
but our story, that was correct
Our story just a mere although we spent it, and truly happen
A ditch on the relationship?
Don't you know? That was us!
Made each hearts into a smithereens
No triumph, none won the owner of the hearts
But none lose. It was a fair
Feeling was neutral,
before the living creature filled it
Just accept it, even though it ends incompetent
I knew, it was asserts, we were end
Don't try to make it all unite, again
No owner of our past
No story of our relation
No shadows of our reflections
